Calling A General Election

… for Theresa May, her moment of “sudden clarity” in Wales was admitting to herself that she’d be insane not to scrap all her promises and hold a snap general election …

“Bloody hell, it’s like Shit Gandalf is gifting me these things,” the prime minister must have thought, carefully removing the Essential Waitrose clingfilm from her sandwiches and staring out across Wales.

My British sense of fair play and no-nonsense hairdo mean I instinctively recoil from kicking a party when it’s down, but let’s face it, ‘down’ is now Labour’s favoured position. It’s like some weird yoga thing. Downward Facing Socialism.

I’m 60 years old. I don’t have time to wait for them to get back up again. Screw it! I’m going to call an election! Yeah! Let’s do this!”

Extract From: Caitlin Moran’s Celebrity Watch, The Times Newspaper, 21 April 2017